The IDEA of Permanence and why it's IDEAL to me...

I am struggling with conflicting ideas in my mind lately. For starters - I am not a person who loves housework, serious food preparation, or even faithful exercise (as anyone who has ever known me will testify). The problem is that those are all things that I am supposed to be doing as a faithful wife and mother in Zion. Why don't I enjoy them?

Mostly because they are just so temporary. I mean, I do the laundry - wash, dry, fold, repeat... ten.thousand.times. It doesn't stay done - it is never ending. I do the dishes. Same story. I pick up toys and junk. Same story. It doesn't ever STAY that way for long, and I KNOW this about it. Same thing applies for exercise/weight loss: after all that work, the pounds don't just STAY off - you have to 're-do' the exercise thing every day - after day - after day. Food preparation: SAME THING, after all the work - it is eaten and gone and on it's way down the GI tract like nobody's business. Poof - GONE.

So what kinds of things do I enjoy? ? ? ?

Quilting/stitching, Scrapbooking/blogging, Reading, socializing with friends and family, painting, etc. In my mind - these are things that have an element of permanence to them. Let me explain myself. I make a quilt or stitchery - and after all that work - it STAYS - it is there, forever, to be used, enjoyed, admired, wrapped on little bodies to comfort them, etc. Scrapbooking/(blogging): same story - it is something that I have created that serves as a history for our family - it entertains the children and teaches them the importance of family - it preserves our great memories that we can relive and remember. Reading: that is not only entertaining, uplifting, inspiring, but it is also a means of permanent knowledge. That stuff stays with me - and makes me more well-rounded (wait - maybe that is the chocolate that does that!) Socializing with friends is something that I feel is a part of building eternal relationships. Trust, care and concern and compassion, friendships... all things that will last forever in my mind. Again - it's that PERMANENCE!

In thinking about all of this - I reflected upon Heavenly Father and how He is UNCHANGING - the same yesterday, today and forever. And that rings 'permanence' to me as well. I want to be like Him, so it seems easy to me to justify my aforementioned personality traits as being 'wholesome' and 'worthy' ones. (Whereas others may not see it as such).

However there is also this other side to me that LOVES change. (Yes - I AM an oxymoron!) Not the kind of change where the kitchen floor goes from clean and smooth to dirty and sticky in 5 seconds flat - but the kind of change that brings new people and places into my mortal experience.

Since being married , Greg and I have never lived in one house for more than 3.5 years - and I am good with that. I am sure a lot of my love of that type of change comes from my childhood filled with adventurous moves around the world and learning to love other cultures and languages and people and to appreciate the beautiful diversity that God gives us to enjoy.

So - after all these ramblings - I have come to the conclusion that I've always known deep inside - that I MYSELF am the one who needs CHANGE more than I want to admit. I need to CHANGE so many aspects of my life - it is sometimes a daunting feat to even realize - let alone begin to conquer. I need to accept the fact that although I don't per se ENJOY housework - it is nonetheless a noble and admirable thing to be doing - even though my kids are small - because I really do want them to grow up and be able to keep house and take care of their possessions. Same goes for food prep and exercise. I need to CHANGE my diet and add in a little more exercise daily - simply because this tabernacle of clay deserves to be cared for with love - beyond the chocolate kind. Because, lets face it - that chocolate has a way of making it's own 'permanence' on my hips.
Is it a lack of desire or a lack of dedication that dictates my daily weaknesses in those seemingly mundane tasks? Those are the feelings that I am sure many people (like my mother, my in-laws, and my poor hubby) must feel toward me as they look at the inside of my microwave or fridge or at my 14th century figure. However, what I think about when I do some self-reflecting and examine those parts of me that need working on - is how very UN-PERMANENT they are and how I will undoubtedly feel a few hours after the work is done.

Every year we set goals in 5 areas of our lives (Thanks are due to my Dad for instilling the whole "goal-setting" thing in me). This coming year - with all of the changes that are ahead (new house, new ward, new non-child-bearing-phase of life) I am setting one main goal that will help me to dictate the sub-categorized goals: MAKE A CHANGE in someones life and LOVE that CHANGE... whatever it may be.

I will try to find JOY in the temporary sight of a clean floor. I will try to find joy in the making of delicious and healthy new foods that will soon be eaten and gone. I will try to find joy on the treadmill and the bike and hopefully appreciate chocolate on a less-frequent basis. I will try to find JOY as I do wash loads of laundry knowing how blessed my children are with enough clothing (largely in part from our dear friends who gift us with it). I will try to find JOY in dusting the piano while thanking God for children who love to play it. But most of all I will MAKE TIME for the more permanent aspects of life - RELATIONSHIPS.
I will read endless books to my baby and toddler as I see their eyes light up with new knowledge.

I will make cookies with my pre-teens as we talk about life and crushes and school.

I will listen to my 7 and 9 year olds and try to laugh at their made-up jokes realizing this is equitable 'payback' for years of cheesy jokes that my family endured.

I will continue to blog and hopefully scrapbook as I create history for my future progeny.

I will not feel guilty or rushed as I read a good novel or play Wii with my kids.

I will set aside money each month to have a date night with Greg. (I know - the 'experts' say WEEKLY - but MONTHLY would be progress for us!)

I will try to read the Ensign and my scriptures on a more studious level and pray more fervently for the courage to serve and love others and to make the temple a higher priority than the Internet time-trap or sudden afflictions of laziness that seem to attack me.

I have FAITH that as I continue to move forward in life and accept my weaknesses and try to CHANGE them, I will be blessed with increased FAITH and the powers and promises that come with that. All of that in an attempt to further my progress on that narrow road back to HIM.

And THAT is the most PERMANENT CHANGE I desire!