In my line of work (being a nurse at the hospital) there is a protocol for reporting things to the doctors when we call them. It is called SBAR..which stands for: Situation, Background, Assessment, Recommendations. I will apply the SBAR acronym to my following post about my children and their current educational process.
Situation: Parent Teacher Conferences, Taylor's Crossing Public Charter School, March 2011.
Background: This is the 5th year that my children have been attending this school, and all of them have the same teachers for each grade they enter into because there is only one class per grade. I encourage my children to do their best in their studies, I remind them that at this point in their lives, this is their full-time job, and they need to give it all the effort that they have. I frequently let them know that I am available to assist as needed, but I refuse to do the work for them. I also remind them that the greatest reward they will receive for their efforts is a sense of pride and satisfaction in the job well done. Also, the knowledge gained will be with them forever.
This may sound idealistic to some, but I was raised in a home where I was neither rewarded nor punished for grades. I had a ton of friends who were paid (some of them ridiculously large sums) for each A, etc. they got. I never seriously felt neglected or unloved, or even thought to request that of my parents when I would get an A. On the flip side of that page, I also never felt punished for bad grades. I specifically remember a conversation with my father one time when I brought home a "C" on a report card. It basically went like this:
Me: "I am so upset about getting this C in this class. I really tried hard too."
Dad: "Did you give it your honest best effort?"
Me: "Yes. I think so."
Dad: "Then I am not disappointed in you, and you shouldn't be disappointed in yourself either. All you can ask of yourself is your best effort".
He then proceeded to tell me some story about his own life and the grades he got. I felt better, and I left determined to truly give it my best effort in the future.
Assessment: Although I have heard arguments from many people about the pro's of rewarding children for grades ("it shows them how important school work is", "it is their full-time job so they deserve to get rewarded when they perform well", etc.) I tend to argue back (in my head, mind you, not for real) that my children are paid in the non-legal-tender form of a warm house, a flushing toilet (when they flush it), food, piano lessons, clothing, siblings, and on most days, a generous heaping of love.
As far as punishments go, I think that a sense of self-dissapointment for a job not well done, or for effort not fully given, will go a long way. I am not expecting perfection from my children...and they know that. One example that happened recently will illustrate that point for you. It was the 'New Years Resolution' writing time in our home, wherein we each set goals for ourselves in 5 different areas.
Maelynn: "For my educational goal, I am going to set a goal to never get below a 95% on anything."
Me: "Wow Maelynn, that is pretty high. Maybe you ought to think about lowering that to 90%...that is still a really good number."
Maelynn: "Um." (stares at me with a weird look) "Well" (Is my mom seriously wanting me to set lower standards for myself?) "OK. I guess."
It's not that I don't want my kids to push themselves and do their best, I just really don't want to create or even endorse the 'perfectionist' personality in any of them. I honestly believe that it is not very healthy for anyone to live like that. But I realize in saying that, most people will take my opinion with a grain of salt, because of my own very obvious and outwardly showing non-perfectionism.
It's like my friend always says "just keeping' it real"....as if you couldn't tell that from the horrendous pictures I posted on the last post of my messy house.
Recommendations: I would have to say that I highly recommend the methods of 'verbal praise and non-monetary rewards for good grades and verbal punishment/expressions of disappointment when not performing to capacity' as being highly effective. Of course, this may all change in time, as a lot of parenting techniques and theories tend to do...but for now, it seems to be working. And, "Why fix what ain't broke?" right?
So, to summarize this post, I am not sure which of these I should feel more pride in.....
Or
the
reaction
of
gratitude
and
excited
happiness
on
receiving
said
lollipops?????
Man, I love my crazy, goofy, fun-loving, good-natured, smart, and compassionate kids.
(Now that's what I call a good old fashioned bragging session. Deal with it.)
2 comments:
Congratulations, you great, beautiful, intelligent, awesome Idaho Bailey grandkids! I have to tell you that right now the pride I'm feeling for your achievements is even better than that lollipop!
Viki, It was good to have you here today. Hope all went well with your's and Eliza's drive to St. George. Have fun with everyone there. We really enjoyed your last two posts. Of course, we think you are taking the right approach with your wonderful family and encourage you to continue in that great example.
Love, M&D
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